Crazy Old Man Strength

I'm a 29 year old healthy man. I go to the gym 5 days a week and I can bench press over 250 lbs. My dad, on the other hand, is a 61 year old overweight man that leads a very unhealthy lifestyle. But every guy under 40 that is reading this knows that if my dad and I ever got into a fight, he would beat the absolute crap out of me. I'm speaking of course about the phenomenon of old man strength.

What is old man strength?

Old man strength, or OMS, can not be measured by how much you can bench press or how many biceps curls you can do. If my dad and I went to the gym together there is no way he'd be able to lift as much weight as I can. OMS means that you are real life strong. An old man grew up in a different time than many of us under the age of 40 did. While I was playing video games, my dad was working on his families farm. I graduated high school, went to college and now I have a nice cushy office job. Many old men graduated high school, joined a branch of the military and then entered the workforce doing manual labor.

How can you identify a man with OMS?

It is important to identify potential old man strength. There is nothing worse than shaking, what you suspect to be, a feeble old mans hand, only to have him almost break every bone in your hand with an ultra aggressive firm handshake. At the same time you don't want to have a very firm handshake with an old man that does not have OMS and then potentially injure the poor guy. So what do you look for? Every old man with OMS can be identified by the following observations:

1. He looks pissed - A man with OMS is angry. He worked hard to get where he is and he thinks you are just some punk kid that has never put in a hard days work in your life. When he shakes your hand he's going to summon all the strength he can muster. His only outlet for all his years of hard work and his resentment towards you and your generation is your hand... and he's going to try and break it.
2. Examine his hands - OMS does not come easy, nor does it come over night. A man with OMS has done some heavy lifting for many years and his hands will show the wear and tear.
3. Listen to his old man rants - Old men love to tell you how different things were when they were your age. If you believe everything they say, it's hard to believe many of them actually survived this long. If an old man focuses his old man rants primarily on how much things cost when he was younger, he is smiling and his hand show no wear and tear he probably does not possess old man strength. A man with OMS will rant almost exclusively about how today's kids are pampered brats. He'll tell you about how he never had anything handed to him and how people now-a-days don't know what real work is. If you hear this rant, the old man definitely has old man strength.

If you have properly identified an old man with OMS by using the checklist above you can be prepared for the aggressive handshake and prevent being injured. It's important to note that the handshake should not be considered over until the old man relaxes his grip. If you try to prematurely end the handshake by lessening your grip he will punish you for your mistake.

If anyone has any stories about an occasion you came into contact with Old Man Strength, I would be interested to hear them.